Champion News

CHAMPION—April 6, 2008

        There is a rumor in Champion that dogwoods are blooming!  By the time this goes to ink it may be so in a widespread way.  May Apples are up two or three inches high and mushroom hunters have begun to gather ticks already.  There is a great rivalry to claim the first and most of anything among Champions.  They can’t help it.

        Raymond and Esther Howard were in Champion over the week end, so the place was quite jolly.  Raymond is not willing to jump the gun on squirrel season, but he’s looking forward to it.  Esther was full of her lovely smiles and remarked about how well she feels!  (What a good example that is—thinking about the things that feel good!)  Jack and Wilma Herman were also visiting and that is a rare and pleasant treat.  They are not milking any more but staying busy the way country people do, which is exactly as busy as a person wants to be.  Kalyssa and Foster will have a busy week on their grandparents’ farm, helping with the milking and keeping track of that Old Red Rooster.  Foster thinks they ought to send him “on down the road to Texas.”

        An unprecedented amount of mail has come in regarding the word ‘potentiometer.’  One comes from Kenneth Henson who says, “I must have missed something in your April Fools jokes.  Getting to believe there is a word ‘potentiometer’ is baffling to me.  That is a very common word in the field of electrical work.  Was it a play on words and I didn’t get it?”  Another says, “The potentiometer is the gizmo that dangles down in your gas tank.  It’s got a wire on it that goes up to your gas gauge to tell you how much fuel you have.”  Electronics Wizard, Gary Proctor, says that it is a ‘variable resistor’ and some of the various applications of the device include its use in tuning the CB radio and volume control on anything that has volume to control.  Someone else chimed in about the speed control (the foot feed on the sewing machine) or light level (dimmer switches).  “As potential means what is ‘possible’ as opposed to ‘actual,’ the meter that measures that in the human being would no doubt register surprising results.  What a useful tool that could be!”  This comes from a skeptical Champion who routinely sees room for improvement in others and is ever-willing to guide them to betterment.  (There’s one in every crowd.)  Meanwhile, the dictionary says that it is “an instrument for measuring electromotive force.”  No dearth of information, nor surfeit of it, including proof, convinces the skeptic who still thinks the word is absurd.

        Champions rarely want to air their dirty laundry.  Mostly the things flapping in the breeze on the close lines in these parts have already been washed.  Once a long time ago there was a Champion in Henson’s store by the name of Hovie.  His friend noted that Hovie had his t-shirt on inside-out and said something to him about it.  Hovie replied that he knew it was inside-out and said that the other side was dirty!

        A pleasant visit with Mrs. Ruby Proctor reveals that she is feeling pretty well in spite of having had some blood pressure issues lately.  She said her sister-in-law, Virginia Andrews, had been down from Springfield and the two of them had gone to see Bertha Woods.  She said that it was a good visit and that she is looking forward to having her brothers come home for Memorial Day.  She recalled that April Fools jokes around Champion frequently involved turning over the out-houses.  She said that Edgar Henson’s out-house was turned over many times and she thought that Ile Upshaw over in Denlow was sitting in his when it was turned over.  She mentioned some who might have been involved in that prank.  Champions have good memories.

        Linda’s almanac from over at the Plant Place in Norwood says that it will be a very advantageous time from the 12^th through the 14^th to plant any crops that bear yield above the ground.  The 10^th & 11^th are poor days for planting as are the 15^th– to the 19^th.  Then the signs change and it will be time to plant root crops again.  Time certainly is flying by!  Linda’s Cole crops are really pretty and that ‘Pacman’ variety of broccoli that she grows is a proven winner even for armature gardeners.  People with dirty hands ought to see Charlene there at the Gift Corner.  She has some soap made from emu oil that gets the hands clean and leaves them soft.  One Champion said, “It’s hard to see how you can get something clean with grease!”  It takes all kinds.

        Champion’s Tennessee friend Darrell Haden, originally from Smallette, has sent the words and music to Keep On the Sunny Side of Life.  His notes say that it was written in 1899, the words by Ada Blenkhorn and the music by J. Howard Entwhistle.  He said that it was recorded for the first time ever on May 9, 1928, in Camden, N.J. by the Victor Talking Machine Company which became RCA Victor the next year.  Because it is over a hundred years old it is in ‘the public domain,’ which means that it can be used by anyone without fear of copyright infringement.  It will be the first song in the New Champion Songbook which will be a loose-leaf build-it-yourself book—for Champions, by Champions.  Pick up a copy of the first song for free at Henson’s Store on the north side of the square in Champion or send a self-addressed-stamped envelope to the Champion Items mailbox.  This is a new project.  It replaces The Missouri Song List, which sparked a lot of interest but also quite a number of unfulfillable requests for CD’s of the music.  With the New Champion Songbook everyone can have a song in his heart!

        Rumors, absurd words, jolly times, and good memories can be mailed to Champion Items, Rt. 2, Box 367, Norwood, MO 65717.  E-mail those things or uplifting sunny-side songs in the public domain to Champion News.  Have some Cheetos and a soda pop on the porch of Henson’s Store in the beautiful blooming village of Champion where they are always looking on the bright side!